Whitman admin to suspend vape detector program after tariffs on North Korea cause price to rise.

In an email to the Whitman community last week, Whitman principal Gregory Miller notified students that vape detectors would be installed in bathrooms across the school.

The move comes after two years that included 63,936,247 vape runs to the bathroom with security issuing zero punishments during that time.

But today, Miller announced a reversal of the original decree, citing tariffs introduced by President Trump.

“The tariffs hit North Korea particularly hard, and that means that the Halo vape detector’s price has increased greatly,” Miller said. “Unfortunately all of our budget this year went to Dunkin gift cards so we cannot afford the price increase.”

Rutabaga writers immediately went to their bathroom and polled the people currently vaping. Of the 230 students polled, 90% said they would vote for Trump in 2028 due to his tariffs protecting their pastime. 

The long-term economic impact of the move is unclear, although according to the sign on that one bathroom, the lack of detectors will cost Whitman students $3,000,000 every year on vapes and cartridges.

The vape detectors were originally set to be bought for the same price as the whole engineering department at Whitman: $500. 

After the tariff rate on North Korean goods was raised to 245%, the detectors soared in price. 

“Tariffs make stuff more expensive,” said economics teacher Thomas Young. “Even the stupidest idiots in my classes know that.” He immediately covered his mouth with his hand after saying that, swiftly apologizing for his outburst.

The money saved on detectors will be sent to stressbusters instead and will be used to try to raise attendance on their events from five people to six.