Chand Amerasinghe wakes up late amid promises to “lock in,” blaming a faulty alarm clock

Senior Chand Amerasinghe (better known as “Chand America”) came to school four hours late last Wednesday despite promises to raise his 0.2 Grade-Point Average. He arrived at school around 12:15 pm, attending most of lunch before leaving for the day. He apologized profusely and claimed his alarm didn’t go off, but his parents and teachers remain unhappy. 

“I just don’t understand,” father Felix Amerasinghe said. “He only has three classes, and two of them are internships. How could anybody even sleep for 14 hours?” 

Chand explained to us in an email that he was exhausted from making a sports parlay which required extensive research. The parlay is six-legged and he does not believe the Yankees will win, he said. 

Melissa Carr, Chand’s English teacher, expressed concerns that he isn’t applying himself in class. 

“He came to my class late yesterday and all he did was talk loudly with his friends about his six-legged parlay for thirty minutes. Chand has a 19% in my class right now, and that stupid parlay isn’t even gonna hit. Everyone knows the White Sox will lose,” Carr said. 

The tardy arrival came at an unfortunate time for Chand America, especially with his current GPA. He claims that he set four alarms and none of them went off. Apple CEO Tim Cook said in a brief response that this is “mathematically impossible.” 

Lavanya Sithanandam, Chand’s mother, alleged that she tried to wake him up three times but he remained unresponsive. 

“I pulled the sheets off his bed, flicked the light switch on and off, and even threw a slipper at him. I tried everything. It’s just the same old story, and I totally heard his alarm going off,” she said. 

Chand — who forgot that he had an interview with us last Friday — was unable to issue a detailed response to the allegations. Whitman’s Captain America promised to attend on Tuesday so he can play in the baseball team’s state semi-final at Shirley Povich Field, on May 21st at 7 pm. 

“If Chand goes yard on Tuesday and the boys in blue win, f— it, I’ll give him an A in the class,” said Chand’s internship teacher. Show up on Tuesday to watch Chand battle for a state championship and his high school diploma.