How different Whitman sports teams prepare for victory.

Fall

Boys soccer:
We practice our post-goal cellys. We know we’ll get to use them eventually.

Girls soccer:
We commune with the spirits of our back to back to back state trophies.

Flag football:
This whole sport didn’t exist in Montgomery County a couple of months ago. You think we’ve had time to come up with a warmup routine? We barely know how punts work.

Football:
We count all the wins we’ve gotten in the past four years… it’s a pretty quick warm up.

Field hockey:
Did you know that we made it to the state semi-finals last year? Yeah, I thought not. Next.

Cross country:
Math homework.

Girls volleyball:
Group exorcisms. You can never be too careful when it comes to those phantom hits.


Winter

Hockey:
Fight club. Oh crap, I wasn’t supposed to say that.

Boys basketball:
We watch the video of the buzzer beater from last year’s semis on loop.

Girls basketball:
We all pray to the great and powerful spirit of Abby Meyers.

Swim:
We set up coach-watching shifts. Sometimes they just disappear right before the season.

Bocce:
The 73 of us that won’t play warm up our clapping hands.

Indoor track:
We try not to turn into icicles while “warming up” in thirty-degree weather.


Spring

Crew:
We carry the boat to the docks and do some dynamic stretching. Oh, and you can’t forget the cult meeting and group prayer to our demon overlord. That’s the most important part!


Baseball:
We bet on our own game. Sometimes I take the under on myself just for fun.

Outdoor track:
We silently sit on a bench for four hours until it’s finally our turn to run for 30 seconds.

Softball:
We stare at our field and wonder: how come baseball gets a whole stadium and we don’t even get a fence? But don’t worry, the school expressly told us that it’s not sexism. Then they told us because we play a worse sport. But hey, at least it’s not sexism!

Boys volleyball:
Mr. East calmly talks to each of us about our game plans. He’s so nice and cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

Boys tennis:
We practice throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then throwing up the ball and then letting it drop and then.

Girls tennis:
Mrs. Thatcher warms us up with some Calc. What’s the derivative of a spinning tennis ball?

Girls lacrosse:
We try to hit the crossbar on the goal for good luck. What were you expecting? We talk about that warmup all the time. Would there be anything else?

Boys lacrosse:
Fight Club. Dang it, I did it again.

Gymnastics:
We wonder where our next challenge will be. We’ve conquered the county. Now we sit and wait until we’re allowed to conquer the state. Then the country. Then the world. Galactic nations billions of light years away will hear our name and cower.