Whitman Shorts can catch these Rutabaga hands

Dear Whitman Shorts staff,

What the hell? Honestly, your last segment was an absolute travesty. Apart from the editing and music and everything else which was great. The Rutabaga segment was 16 seconds long. Not only that but your “reporter” Andrew Sanson mispronounced our name, likely on purpose!

I should remind you that The Rutabaga is a multifaceted organization started in 3 B.C.E with hundreds of staff members producing some of the best reporting in the world.

We’re an organization deserving of a seven-season Netflix special documenting our thousands of journalistic achievements — not a surprise interview of Alex Schupak who may or may not be one of The Rutabaga editors. 

Where do you get off slandering us like that? All of you are journalism 1 dropouts who couldn’t take the heat of real reporting so you transitioned to making 10 minute vlogs filled with puns. Even after joining a second rate organization you still need Topher to carry you!

In the next installment of Whitman Shorts we expect comprehensive coverage of our organization or you can expect a prompt defamation lawsuit — my daddy’s a lawyer.