Top 10 ways to get out of zoom class

As Whitman takes on virtual learning, many of the school’s cool and rebellious students are struggling with how they are going to skip class. No worries, young agitators! Here are the top 10 ways to get out of zoom classes. 

1. Find your teacher’s address: If you can find your teacher’s address, you can also find their power lines! Make sure you bring a good pair of cable cutters and rubber shoes.
2. Throw your computer off a roof: If your teacher asks why you weren’t on a recent zoom call, simply tell them your computer fell off a roof. 
3. “The Bus was late!”
4. Cardboard cutout of your face
5. Become the dictator of a foreign country
6. Get kidnapped: Seen any white vans lately? Go up to them and request candy! Side effects may include waking up in Pakistan. 
7. Intentionally infect yourself with COVID-19: Make sure to go to one of our Nation’s great universities and lick all the water fountains! 
8. Become Amish
9.  Try to Sell drugs to a police officer: No school in prison!
10.  Time your bowel movements to align with your classes: Pretty self-explanatory.