Six more weeks of winter? Yeah, right: Turns out Phil the Groundhog is a lying snake

On Groundhog’s Day, the US —especially the East Coast — was disappointed to learn, according to a little groundhog, that we would be having six more weeks of winter instead of an early spring.

Well, it turns out that the groundhog is actually a conniving liar and a sneaky snake. The past two days in our area (the only relevant part of the US) have been in the sixties and the sun has shone through all the clouds.

What do we do about this public display of untrustworthiness? Can we not trust anything American anymore? Next you’re going to tell me that Santa Clause, the Tooth Fairy, and justice and liberty for all is a lie. 

“I made a mistake,” said the groundhog in an interview with The Rutabaga. 

The groundhog is a public figure. So he’s going through what he calls, “getting sucked in to the toxic circle of cancel culture” on social media. 

It’s important to hold public figures accountable because they influence us on our moral standards. For example, because of him someone really important, like a member of the government, could lie. Because of a groundhog! 

Anyways, I don’t really care about this whole spring and winter thing. I believe seasons were made up to remind us to take our allergy medicine. (You’re telling me that since all of a sudden the calendar marks it as “spring,” that’s when I’m supposed to take it? How do they know that’s when my allergies start?)

The Rutabaga condemns the lying acts of Phil the groundhog and hopes people keep him accountable for such actions.