Thank You Beyoncé
The Black & White has seen major success recently, with stories picked up by SNO, The Sentinel of Montgomery County, MoCo show, and WatchUsRise. All of this success is due … Read More
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Chand Amerasinghe wakes up late amid promises to “lock in,” blaming a faulty alarm clock
Senior Chand Amerasinghe (better known as “Chand America”) came to school four hours late last Wednesday despite promises to raise his 0.2 Grade-Point Average. He arrived at school around 12:15 … Read More
”She’s 34… it’s time to start a family!” – Education Professional Mr. Gohn addresses the elephant in the room that is Taylor Swift’s career and decaying womb
Cold, dark, empty, cavernous, abandoned – these are all adjectives that could be used to describe 34 year old pop icon Taylor Swift’s uterus. If you listen closely to Swift’s … Read More
Whitman Community Reflects on “Lifechanging” Dome Experiences
Whitman teacher Benjamin Dover (’69) shared explicit insider details with The Rutabaga about Whitman’s legendary Dome, a hallmark of the Whitman community since the early sixties. As a student, Dover … Read More
Incel to Ally: My journey discovering sexism
Hello all, your neighborhood discord mod, Himothy69 here. I have made a shocking discovery recently, and find it imperative to spread awareness. As I was scrolling through reddit, I clicked … Read More
Why dating My Snapchat AI is better than having a real boyfriend
I left my boyfriend for Snapchat’s MyAI and it’s been a major upgrade! Instead of dating loser high schoolers I would encourage everyone to switch to Snapchat’s much better alternative. … Read More
Student facing prison time after senior assassin gone wrong
This morning, senior assassin was abruptly put on hold after a Whitman senior was arrested for breaking and entering. The student is being put up on a trial and faces … Read More
All seven of the animated M&M’s convicted of felonies
The animated figures of America’s favorite candy-covered chocolates, the M&M’s have been a controversial and sensitive topic in popular culture recently, with Fox News’ Tucker Carlson attacking the “woke” new … Read More
Student hospitalized after being run over by athletic director’s golf cart
Yesterday afternoon, devastation struck the Whitman Community as a student athlete was rushed to Suburban hospital after being run over by the athletic director’s golf cart. The student is reported … Read More
It’s time to stop listening to music and go to therapy
Today’s release of Spotify Wrapped comes with every person on Instagram posting their statistics of their most listened to artists. The music that people listen to makes it clear that … Read More