Dear the Black & White, who cares?

Dear the Black & White,

I’ve been asking one question about you for months and I’m not sure what really prompted it. Obviously, you guys post stories every day and I have no problem with that. My question is: who the hell cares?

Who actually cares about features, sports, and opinions? I don’t. And, yeah. I put an Oxford comma right there on purpose.

Hard news? More like hard sell. Op ed? I’ll opt out. Spotlight? You can spot me doing anything other than reading your articles. Call me salty for not getting Top Six, but I could do this forever.

Your readership is probably like two people: one Top Six editor and their mom, who’s really just that same editor opening the links on their mom’s phone. On a scale of 1 to 10, as a news source, you guys are a large, morbidly obese zero. In other words, you suck.

I will admit, my favorite article was one of the girls basketball game stories. It’s the only thing that looks remotely like quality journalism. I can’t believe they “cruised past Einstein in” the first round of the playoffs. Wonderful analysis!

Besides that, the best articles are really just mediocre. Every time you post, you trigger my gag reflex, my poor relationship with my family, and my overall dissatisfaction with the direction of society. I can’t take it anymore.

If you made me choose between reading one news story on the Black & White and plucking my eyelashes out one by one, I’d laugh in your face and grab the tweezers.

I just don’t care. So, go have fun and make your writers write things that will never get read. Comment below to spread your apathy for Whitman’s worst publication!