Voluptuous straight men fed up with constant objectification
In our modern “woke” culture, there’s one group whose struggle seems to have been completely ignored — thick straight men. As a result, members of the community say that people … Read More
Category: News
Hot girl summer has turned into hot when I pee fall :(
This summer was monumental for hot girls all across the country. Depression rates were at an all-time low and Plan B sales were at an all-time high. Sadly, as of … Read More
Breaking: ‘The Whitman football team is actually really good,’ say their moms
The Whitman varsity football team hasn’t won a single game this school year. Their total point deficit is 21 to 234. Despite the team’s 0–5 record, a highly persuasive group … Read More
Delta Airlines petitions congress to change the name of Delta variant to ‘Southwest variant’
Over the weekend, a request from Delta Airlines was sent to both chambers of Congress to rename the Delta strain of COVID-19 to the “Southwest variant.” “Here at Delta, we … Read More
Save the Date: Senior Tar and Feathering in the Whitman Parking Lot
Save the date! April 8th is now public tar and feathering day in the Whitman parking lot for any senior who doesn’t get into an Ivy League school. Due to … Read More
SGA Solves the Israeli-Palestinian Conflict
The Whitman SGA has made waves internationally after solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict last week. In typical SGA fashion, they have sparked monumental change on a global scale after proposing a … Read More
Deep Dive: Girl With Oddly Specific Spotify Playlists Names Connected to L.A. Murder of Four
Thursday evening, a girl with oddly specific titles for her Spotify playlist, 18, was named the prime suspect in a 2019 murder of four that took place in Los Angeles. … Read More
Scotland PM: Bagpipes ‘Another Hollywood Cliche Gone Too Far’
This morning, in a leaked email directed at the Screen Actor’s Guild, Scotland prime minister Nicola Sturgeon revealed her frustration with “another Hollywood cliche gone too far,” that is, bagpipes. … Read More
Bernie Sanders Sells Used Mittens to Jeff Bezos for $45 billion
January 20, 2021 will go down as one of the most important days in American history. An event so historic, so significant, that our kids will be reading about it … Read More
Bye Bye, Boris: Boris Johnson quits job as PM, now selling porridge to homeless people on the streets of London
This week, our London reporters have come across a troubling report. U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson, the 2020 world’s sexiest man, has quit his job in Parliament in favor of … Read More