Looking for a last minute Halloween costume? The Rutabaga has you covered with some horrifying ones
- A face mask
Perfect for 2020, a mask is a simple costume. It’s scary, too; having your personal freedom to make choices that hurt other people taken away by the government is terrifying! Masks are an attack on our liberty and rights as American citizens. Why subject ourselves to a minor inconvenience when we can just get other people sick? It’s all fake news, anyway.
- Washington Football Team Member
Nothing is scarier than changing an old team name, especially when the old name was racist. Institutionalized racism? What a joke. Changing a name? Terrifying. This costume is so scary, it’s taken years to become reality.
- Medical Professional
We’ve all been there. You turn on the TV, knowing that COVID-19 is fake news, but all the news channels are reporting otherwise. They have stupid “medical professionals,” who apparently confirm this information. Apparently they went to “medical school” or something. It’s scary that people believe them, but not the reliable, intelligent @xxguns4ever420xx on Twitter.
- Pres. Trump’s Tax Returns
He’s a billionaire, he saved the economy, and of course his tax returns are pristine. No, we don’t need to look at them, and no, you can’t require them from him. People talking about $750 and “losing money” are liars and just trying to tear Trump down. None of it’s true, and that’s what makes it so scary! This costume might be a little challenging to pull off, but make sure to write that he spent $70,000 on hair styling and lost hundreds of millions of — wait, maybe not.
- An unarmed black man doing an everyday task
Everyone on your street will shudder in fear. Maybe someone will even call the cops on you. America finds nothing scarier.