Abolish Babies
Yes, they may be “cute” but babies are actually destroying America. According to The United States Bureau of Labor Statistics, children aged 0-2 are unemployed at a 99.97 percent rate, … Read More
Guys who wear shorts to school in December are outraged about online school
The pandemic has affected all of us in some way or another. Some people lost their jobs, others have lost love ones, but absolutely nobody has lost more than December … Read More
Breaking: Democratic party membership decreases 78% after news releases that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has a boyfriend
After news released that New York Democratic senator Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is dating a man by the name of Riley Roberts, many long-time Democrats are starting to rethink their positions. We … Read More
Man confuses TikTok with watchmaker dating app, is ‘mildly entertained’
Lester Bumpkins, a recently-divorced watchmaker from Missouri, rarely makes mistakes. This past Monday, however, Bumpkins mistakenly downloaded TikTok, assuming it was a dating app for fellow watchmakers. “I was hoping … Read More
Is Katie Ledecky a fish?
Katie Ledecky is one of the greatest swimmers of all time. She has won five Olympic Gold medals. Her time in the 1500 meter swim of 15 minutes, 34.23 seconds … Read More
Breaking: Man is angry at women because women are not interested in him
A man by the name of Eugene Stinkelberg has declared war on women. In an exclusive Rutabaga interview, Stinkelberg said “I think that this generation of women is comprised solely … Read More
Breaking: actual Libertarian man exists
Springfield, IL — Gary Fleming, 37, hurls Libertarian propaganda at passersby.
Freshman accidentally loses toe during Zoom class
Last Monday, ninth grade student Little Fletcher had to be rushed to the hospital after an accident involving him and his nail clippers. The accident occured during his honors Biology … Read More
Founder of MoCo Snow has evil plans to create snow days
The Rutabaga gained access to a classified document on October 30 containing MoCoSnow creator Alex Tsironis’ plan to make fake snow in an attempt to try and keep his app … Read More